Letter to our Willie

My dear Willie,

Through a river of tears that flow from my sorrowful heart, my view of the world has changed without you.

When you were with me, I maneuvered my days around getting to you, often counting on my fingers how many hours had passed with you waiting for me to return.

When detained, I often became panicky stating, "I have to go now," without further explanation… knowing you needed me, assuming they wouldn’t understand.

 I never felt resentful.  I only felt joyful anticipation at seeing your precious little furry face, sparkling eyes and the whimsical expression that I always thought was a smile.

When you’d hear us drive up, you’d anxiously scatter about the house, seeking a favorite toy for your mouth in order to present an acceptable greeting at the door.  And, if ever you weren’t there when we entered, it was only a result of my most recent tidying frenzy, which sent you digging in the huge bucket in DadDadDad’s closet, where surely they would have been placed. 

You’d frantically dig to discover the one that felt perfect for the moment and run at full speed to the door, tail wagging wildly and the prize in your mouth.  It could be your four foot yellow snake, your Tiger Woods, your Fred Flintstone, the dangling baby rattle or the giant soft brown teddy bear we lay beside you when we laid you to rest.

So I go on our walk each day, sometime twice, and miss the endless sniffing of each protrusion all the while reveling in your amazing ability to dribble yet another few drops on each and every point of interest where some other dog may have been before you.

Each meal I eat, by route, I leave a few little bites for you and then I remember. Lying on my back at night, a habit I acquired to accommodate your sleeping with your chin on the top of my foot, I don’t move, for fear of awakening you and then, I remember.  

We miss you WorldWideWillie.  Forgive us for beginning to heal.  It doesn’t mean we didn’t love you with all of our hearts.  It merely means that we want to replace our tears with laughter while telling endless stories of your life, however short in the realm of ours. 

And now, I count on my fingers, how many weeks you’ve been gone,  knowing full well that in time, I’ll stop counting… as our world without will go on but our love for you… will go on forever.