Today, the one year anniversary of losing you...

You've been gone a year today, our little Willie.  When you left us that day,  your lifeless little body lying on the daybed, I tried to envision my life without you.  I felt a sob caught in my throat as I tried to suck in some air, my red rimmed eyes filled with an endless supply of salty tears and my heart... so heavy.  

Dad and I wandered about the house as you lay there, trying to find a place to set ourselves down but no comfy sofa or cushy chair could relieve the emptiness.  We needed to decide on where we would place you for your eternal rest but neither of us could utter the words, neither of us could speak. 

We hadn't slept more than a few hours the previous night, trying desperately to  comfort you as you coughed, your eyes wide with fear, looking to us for some answers, some relief.  We had none to give.  We could only give love.  You accepted it, you gave it back, your little paw resting on our leg or your little chin nuzzled into our warm flesh.

Each morning brought hope those last few weeks when we'd go outside and the coughing stopped.  You didn't cough when you were standing.  You'd mosey around the yard as you always did, sniffing your favorite spots, spritzing your favorite spots and stopping periodically to lock eyes with me as I wandered about with you, my heart breaking.

I heard him flip the switch for the basement lights and moments later, Dad was in the yard with a shovel. Through blurry eyes he sized up the exact spot where he'd plunge the shovel and begin to dig.  Looking out the glass of the kitchen door, I knew I had to go outside with him. I couldn't let him do this alone.  He had done it two times before in the 21 years we've been together, for your brother Bart in 1996 and then again, your brother Ben in 2008.  And now, my dear WorldWideWillie...you.

We gathered your furry little body in our arms, the little green St. Patrick's Day bow still attached to your collar and gently placed you in the ground, our tears dropping on top of you and your favorite giant brown bear.  It was then that I knew I would grieve for no more than one year, that I would write this blog, bringing it to an end on the one year anniversary, which is today, my little love.

Now as I write in a new blog every few days about a new chapter in our lives: www.worldwidewaftage.blogspot.com  I can finally say goodbye to you.

Saying goodbye to sorrow, a conscious choice to stop grieving requires a certain strength I didn't know that I possessed.  Ironically, this past year or so has brought a rash of sorrowful events, not dissimilar from those that others experience in their lives, not so unique and not so surprising.  And when I cried for you, my Willie,  I gathered in all the sorrows from the past years, the sorrows from a lifetime and grieved them along with the loss of you.

So as we waft our way into our new adventures, we let you go, we let the sorrow go and bring with us, into the future, the lessons we learned, the love we've known and the precious memories of you.